I want the word that says/I feel it all, all at once
A poem by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
AUG 19, 2023
When she sat down to write, Rosemary Wahtola Trommer knew that “paradox was at the heart” of the poem she was about to create. But how to find the essence of that paradox was still an open question, even after “the first lines fell right out.”
And “For When People Ask” was going to be the most personal of poems, after all, drawn directly from her own endlessly complex experience. Her son had taken his own life.
She was searching for the answer to a question she heard so often from caring and well-meaning people: How are you?
There was no easy answer that touched on the truth, Wahtola Trommer knew. If her son’s final act had brought devastation, he had also brought boundless joy into her heart during his too-brief time in the world, and his life and death could not be reduced to simple polarities like devastation or joy.
“ I want the word that says/I feel it all, all at once,” she wrote.
That word may not even exist in the English language, but what she found instead may be the perfect metaphor for the “swirl” of complicated, contradictory feelings that are an inescapable part of every human experience, especially one so profound. . . .